This monday Buzzfeed published a list of 24 reasons why living in Sweden will ruin you for life. The list was filled with cute and awesome stuff like hot chocolate, yummy cinnamon buns and beautiful winter landscapes. But Buzzfeeds list couldn’t be more wrong. We have the real list right here.
Av: Cassandra M Klatzkow
Here is the true list of 24 reasons why living in Sweden will ruin your life forever:
1. Yeah okay, the idea of a swedish summer day is wonderful. But a summer day in Sweden does more likely look like this: 17 degrees and pouring rain. This makes swedes totally obsessed with the sun! Like this doctor here who talked on swedish television about skin cancer…
2. Winter in Sweden sucks. Honestly. It’s cold, gray, rainy, discusting. And DARK.
3. When autumn comes and the darkness takes over our country we try to tell ourselves that it’s ”cozy”. And we talk about the beautiful colours of the leaves. But this is the raw truth about swedish autumn:
(translation: This is the difference between Sweden in colour and Sweden in black and white. No wonder people get depressed”)
4. Sweden isn’t just the home of the kanelbulle – it is also the home of the surströmming. (Warning! The video contains a lot of vomit.)
5. Swedes drink A LOT of coffee. It’s only finnish people who drink more coffee then we do in the entire world. And it’s probably not a coincidence that there are two countries in northern Europe who consume that much coffee. We are simply just trying to survive here in the dark.
6. Every year around the holiday Lucia big discussions and huge arguments take over our country. The headlines look something like this every year:
”Freddy isn’t allowed to be this years Lucia. ‘The principal thinks it should be a girl’ even though the whole school voted for him” and ”Uma, 11, can’t be Santa Claus – because she’s a girl”. EVERY. YEAR.
7. There is no other day of the year when the expectations are as high as on Midsummers eve. Every summer we look forward to beautiful weather, awesome food and a good time with our loved ones. But almost every year our midsummer dream get crushed by pouring rain, disgusting herring and drunk idiots.
8. Meatballs. Yeah it’s good. But we actually don’t know what they are made of. Sometimes they’re made of horse. (Translation: Horse meat found in Ikea-meatballs – sales are stopped”)
9. Swedens third biggest political party, Sweden Democrats, is a far-right and anti-immigration party who has roots from neo-nazism. A party with politicians who call women whores, chase people with iron rods and think that ”arab people have violent genes”.
10. Swedens biggest music event is Melodifestivalen. Millions of people watch this show every year. A competition where artists who never really made it in Idol now get a second chance. Even people who got famous from having sex in reality shows gets to try life as a pop star.
And of course… Sean Banan:
11. Christmas Eve. A day when you meet your whole family and are forced to listen to your racist uncle when he’s raging over the fact that they have removed the black face-doll from ”Santa’s Workshop”.
12. No Buzzfeed. Pepparkakor sucks. Period.
13. Buzzfeed is talking big about swedish fashion. But honestly. We ALL look exactly the same. We dress the same, usually all in black and no one dares to stand out. We are all clones.
14. We can’t buy a bottle of wine whenever we feel like it!!! On saturdays Systembolaget (the ONLY place who sells alcohol!) closes at 3 pm and on sundays it’s closed. No we are not lying.
15. If you want to go out and have a glass with a friend a glass of wine will cost you around 13 dollars, and a drink is even more expensive! A night out in Sweden will make you poor.
16. But that is, of course, if you even get in to the place. In Sweden a bouncer has a lot of power. They decide who’s right or not, and can ruin your night with a quick look at your shoes and a ”no”.
17. This year more people applied to the reality show Paradise Hotel than to the Teacher Education University…
18. Swedes are easily offended, gullible and suck at source criticism. Recently Swedes raged over a picture of a fake Aftonbladet-article that said that the Swedish Green Party wanted to ban brown beans because the word ”brown” is racist. Lol.
19. We DON’T talk to strangers. Not even our own neighbours! We never leave our home before we have checked that no one is outside.
20. That reality shows like Kungarna av Tylösand has aired on swedish television on prime time.
21. People often talk about how equal Sweden is. But still the difference between men and womens salary is 13,9%. And women still do most of the housework. (And the list can go on and on and on…)
22. DANSBAND. This is what you see when you google ”dansband”. Enough said. (IF you want to hear how a dansband sounds: click here.)
23. Swedes on a ”charterresa” (holiday) aka booze trip. Only hangs out with other swedes on swedish bars with names like ”Grabbarna Grus” and ”Systembolaget”. Gets super drunk on exotic drinks and blueberry shots and act like total idiots.
24. Find one thing that is wrong in this picture. Exactly. Sweden has never had a female Prime Minister even though we are one of the worlds most equal countries.
But not everything sucks with Sweden. For example – we haven’t been in a war for 205 years!!! Yay!
Cassandra M Klatzkow